5k is Just Days Away!

If anyone would have told me 3 months ago that I would be able to run for 28 minutes straight, I would have laughed at them.  This past week has been very eventful in my effort to be a runner.  Last Tuesday I got up excited about my run.  I was all geared up for my first 25 minute run.  Isn't funny how fast a mood can change.  I started into my normal morning routine for the days I run.  I had a nice small breakfast and a cup of coffee.  I like to wait at least 30 minutes after I eat to exercise so I went to the computer to get a podcast for the long 25 minute run.  I was obsessed with having something interesting to listen to while running that day.  I did not want to think about how much it sucked or how much longer I had while running like I had been doing so I thought a podcast would help.  Seems reasonable right?  I started that at 10am.  By the time Annabelle was ready to be picked up from school at 2pm I had gotten nowhere.  I found the podcast with little trouble.  The hard part was getting in on to my phone.  Needless to say after accidentally removing all my music and getting far too many stupid apps I was finally ready for my run at 4.  I had spent all day working on the phone that I lost track of time and my food intake and just took off out the door.  I only lasted 15 minutes.  I just couldn't go anymore.  I was dehydrated and hungry and had to walk about a mile back to the house.  It felt really bad.  I was so pissed off at myself, the phone, ITunes, and really life itself.  It was a bad day all around.  Thoughts of not wanting to continue flooded my mind as well as thoughts of not being able to do it at all.  To add salt in my wound I got on the scale later that night (I must be a sick individual for doing this) and realized that my five pounds had grown to seven and that I was now heavier than I had been since 2005.  What the fuck????  Here I am exercising for a consistent amount of time and I was still gaining weight.  FUCK!!  So my next logical (at least to me) was to check my blood pressure.  I thought about the reasons I started this stupid exercising thing in the first place - healthier, lower blood pressure, and the last being looking good in a swim suit this year.  So if I wasn't losing any weight I might as well check out my blood pressure.  At that point I needed some sort of positive reinforcement to get me to continue exercising.  I should have just went to bed.  I got my cuff out and was surprised and angered to see that my blood pressure was up, way up.  FUCK!! How is this possible??  I thought exercising lowered blood pressure. Am I the only person in the world who gains weight and has higher blood pressure AFTER exercising.  My first thought was that I should go check myself into a hospital for them to do various studies and tests  on me because I was a freak of nature.  Then I thought (of course this was coming) fuck it.  Fuck exercising.  Why should I bother.  All the reasons for me to continue were quickly disappearing.  I went to bed depressed, confused, and pissed off.  Thursday was better thanks to David.  After he left for work noticing my mood for the day (it was my running day), I got a text asking me to lunch and offering to be my support for my run for the day.  He is so awesome!  How could I say no to that?  So the run went good and I reached my goal of 25 minutes and even though I hate to admit it, I actually felt good at minute 18.  I was back!!  I went out again on Sunday morning after listening to April's advice about eating a banana before the run and surpassed my 25 minute goal and went on to 28 minutes.  I realized that I only have a few training days left before the 5k and I wanted to push myself a little bit.  Again at minute 18 I felt good.  I decided that even though I was gaining weight it probably had more to do with me eating too much and less to do with running.  I also decided that regardless of my blood pressure I would keep exercising and change my diet.  It would be just an excuse if I quit now because of it being elevated.  I am sure exercising isn't the problem.  That brings me to today.  I have one more run tomorrow before Friday and I am going to go easy on myself.  I want to enjoy Friday night.  If I have to walk a little I won't beat myself up.  It will all come with time and persistence.  As I have noticed with my education - things will always try to get in the way of my goals; it is up to me to persevere that is part of the journey.  Until next time...