St. Pete Pride

Well what a weekend!!  It was the last weekend before my girls got home from their vacation and even though we didn't do a whole lot as far as going out while they were gone, we definitely made the best of our last Saturday.  David and I  got up early 4:45 (yes in the am) and went on a run.  It was an important day in my training schedule.  On my schedule for the day was my first four mile run.  I was very nervous about getting this done.  What is neat about our neighborhood is that we are located on a loop that is exactly four miles around.  I started out good and felt strong.  David did go with me for moral support and because I don't like running alone that early in the morning.  It was very hot and humid but I was holding my own.  I got through two miles and then on to two and a half but started getting a cramp under my rib on the left hand side of my body.  I made sure to keep hydrated and took some water when I felt the cramp come.  It went away for a few minutes and I went on to the third mile and then the cramp came back.  At that point all I wanted to do was get to the corner stop sign.  I tried as hard as I could but when it hurt too much for me to take a breath in I had to stop.  I stood on the sidewalk trying to see if it would go away but every breath I took was painful.  I made it 3.2 and only about 100 feet from the corner.  I wasn't disappointed at all in my performance.  I was very proud.  I had tried to run that loop before and couldn't make it very far at all so I will take it and hope to get it done next time.
After the run we rushed to get showered and changed.  I had volunteered David and I to work the St. Pete Pride Parade and we were excited!!  Most people who know me know that gay rights and the gay movement are very important to me.  As soon as I heard about the parade I wanted to help.  I also wanted to be apart of the event in general!!  We arrived early, parked and got our t-shirts.  We then made a long trek to get our badges.  It was hot!!  Our job was Parade Marshall.  We helped all the people, cars, and floats get organized for the parade route.  We stood in a parking lot for a while just standing around and then once the parade started going we were asked to walk in front of one float to make sure people didn't get too close.  So we ended up being a part of the parade!!!  It was so much fun.  I caught a few guys checking David and and it made me laugh.  The day was a scorcher.  98 degrees on the thermometer when we got back in the car.  We met up with a new friend of ours from the atheist club we belong to and had lunch in St. Pete.  All in all it was a great day helping out with a great cause.  I was thinking how funny it is to go to something like St. Pete Pride where 80,000 people were expected and compare that to Gasparilla and all the bullshit that goes on with the drinking.  Sure way more people gather for Gasparilla but why does it have to get so out of hand?  The Pride parade was well organized and the people who were there were all very nice.  It was clean and peaceful.  I am sure no one was raped in the parking lot like some poor girl one year at Gasparilla.  We did run into some protesters all yelling about gays going to hell.  I read on the news that those I saw on the corner were the only protesters at the whole event.  The LGBT movement has come a long way!!!  Happy Pride Weekend!!  Until next time...

Running a 5k the whole way through...done!!

I did it!  I ran my first 5k.  When I say ran I mean ran...the whole 3.2 miles.  This is a big accomplishment for me.  I honestly wasn't sure if I could do it.  I mean I knew I could do it, but I wasn't sure if I could convince my own head that I could do it.  Funny, I almost didn't participate in the race at all yesterday.  When we got to the race it was about forty-five minutes until race time.  I knew it was going to be a small race but there were hardly any people there.  I freaked out.  What set me off was a comment that David made in the car on the way there and it almost caused me to not bother running.  I asked him what his plan was for the race.  Was he going to try and set a PR or just relax a bit.  His answer was hurtful to me and I reacted in a very negative way.  He said he wasn't sure what he was going to do and then I offered, in a joking way, that he could always just run with me.  I knew that he didn't want to do that so my offer was kind of a joke like if you have nothing better to do you can have fun in the back of the race with me.  His response to that was "Well I want to run".  It was very insulting not just what he said but the way he said it.  It wasn't a calm "I want to run".  It was like a condescending "I want to run" I took it as he thought I wasn't going to run or at least run fast enough for him.  Anyway, it set me off and it didn't help matters when we got to the race and there were only 20 people there.  I got worried that I would be dead last and said that I wasn't going to run.  I paid already but I justified it by saying that the money spent was for the T-shirt that I would be getting.  After parking the car and looking around we got out and walked over to the registration table and I got a good look at the other runners.  That didn't make me feel any better.  I was still thinking that I didn't want to make a fool out of myself by running a twelve minute mile while everyone else would be coming in well in front of that.  I went back to the car and sat down and thought about my options.  I was there and ready to run but the horrible idea that I would be so far behind everyone was awful.  David kept saying that the runners don't care and that they are very supportive even if it takes forty minutes to run the 5k.  Ugh, I didn't care what they thought.  It was about what I would be thinking and how shitty it would feel being so far behind the pack.  More people were arriving and with that brought a more diverse group.  There were some older people with knee braces and even a few larger women that looked like it might be their first race.  I was starting to feel a little bit better about the situation and finally decided that I just didn't give a crap anymore what those people thought of me.  Sometimes the speed of my changing mind startles me.  I was mad.  That gave me an energy and an attitude that was just what I needed.  The more David offered to run with me, albeit feeling guilty, the more angry I felt.  Please don't bother to stoop down to my measly twelve minute mile and embarrass yourself running with such a loser.  Once the race started I waved him off to go run his race while I ran mine.  I started off way too fast and opted to slow down even though people started passing me.  I knew by mile two I would be the one passing them.  I knew I could do it because I have been running the distance all week.  I just focused on that fact and ran my own race not thinking about being last but thinking about running the whole thing and it worked.  It worked so well that I did end up passing some people at the end and it felt pretty damn good.  Once the race was over I realized that I went from too fast to too slow and could have gone faster but I didn't want to blow all my energy in the first mile.  I also realized that I need a watch with a pacer thing in it so I can do better.  It didn't matter my time (a little over 38 minutes) all that mattered was that I ran it.  That was my goal and I accomplished it.  I know I could have done it faster.  I just didn't have the right tools to get me there.  I will be buying a good watch for future races.  That wasn't the best part though.  After the race David wanted to wait around to see if he won a trophy.  He had come in in eleventh place.  We waited for about twenty minutes or so for them to start giving them out.  They were age and sex specific.  They called out my age group and wouldn't you know it but I won second place.  Me...the one who wanted to quit won a trophy.  I never would have guessed that I could go from where I was just an hour before to standing there with a trophy.  David won first place in his division.  Granted my time wasn't going to set any records or win me anything in a bigger race, it matters not.  I showed up ready to race.  I can't control who else runs.  I will take my trophy as a sign that I am supposed to be running.  I hope to look back on this day and this second place trophy as the first of many great accomplishments in my running career!

Finally...

I started David's program to run a 15k in 10 weeks on June 1st.  I have been doing really good with it.  In fact I finally ran for three miles without walking.  It felt really good! I think I could have done it the whole time.  I think I still let my mind control too much.  I still tell myself that I can't go anymore and then I just stop short of my goal.  It happened in the two 5k's I've done this year.  But last Saturday I was able to run the distance that has been eluding me for too long.  I am hoping that I can push through mile #4 a little faster.  I wish it would just kick in already and come more naturally.  I feel like I am having to fight for every single mile I go.  I don't mind fighting for something it just seems like I take so long that I start to get discouraged.  I am the type of person who thrives on completing tasks.  I like to make lists and cross things off as I accomplish them.  It motivates me to keep going.  I have recently figured this out at my ripe old age of 34.  Anyway, I need to try and stop being so negative and start believing that I CAN do it.  I have come so far already.  There is no reason that I shouldn't be able to succeed at running so why do I constantly feel that I won't be able to reach a running goal?  Regardless of all that I just wrote - I ran 3 miles!  I signed up for another 5k on Saturday.  I am planning on running the full length of 3.2 miles.  I, of course, will let you all know how that works out.
I was able to actually get through the past 2 weeks with no WTF moments.  Partly because I haven't really been out.  The idea of venturing out of my safety zone is less and less desirable to me.  Why do I need to leave anyway?  I have everything I need with little to no annoyances.  I did however go out to my Meetup group for atheists and found, yet again, how nice it is to talk with other people about problems that arise.  I filled them all in on the coach and was able to let a lot of it go through laughter.  It is so very calming to know that there are other people out there who think like me.  I just wish I could somehow surround myself with them to help fight off the undesirables.  But then I think that the good ones wouldn't look so good if I didn't have the bad ones to compare them too.  So life is good.  My two girls are leaving for 2 weeks tomorrow and David just bought a new book called Primal Blueprint.  I may be changing the whole way I eat and workout while they are away.  Here's to trying to get through the day with no real purpose (my girls) for 12 days!

First Installment of WTF?

My last post was dated today but that is just because I finished it and posted it today.  It really was written in the middle of last month - just to be clear.  I ran a 5k two weeks ago with David downtown called the Secret Service 5k.  It was fun.  I beat my old time of 39 minutes with a new PR of 37.31.  I am proud of that and hope to continue doing better.  I had David write me up a new training program which I started yesterday.  I completed my 2 mile run and have 30 minutes of cross training to do today.  I plan on swimming.  I am glad I have something new to focus on because not having school is getting to me.  I have been reading my on my new Kindle and that has been good but I am very stir crazy with no school work to do.  I am glad I signed up for a class starting next month.  I turned in my application for the College of Education at USF and hope to hear back from them soon.  I am trying not to worry that I might not get in because worry is such a stupid thing to waste your time on.  I will just pick a different major if by chance it doesn't work out.  I don't think that will happen so why focus on it?  I am trying to change my way of thinking now that I am 34 years old and after what happened with douche bag number one Coach Dan.  I am less inclined to be nice to people now when I meet them.  I am sick and tired of putting myself out there just to be hurt.  I need to toughen up a bit and not be so willing to help or trust people.  Now I know that sounds negative but for someone like me who is a genuinely nice person it is about time I start protecting myself.  My never ending search for a friend who lives close to me started in California has now made its way to Tampa.  In California I was so desperate for a friend that I got pulled into a church where the women told me more than once that my amazingly generous and good-natured husband was going to hell.  Then last summer both David and I got dragged into a lifestyle filled with bad marriages and evil manipulators so focused on getting their needs met they had no idea how to be a human being.  I think I am hanging up my desire to find any more friends.  I have more than I need even if the closest is a hour and a half away.  I have my family and school and soon a teaching career.  With my new found freedom and perspective on people in general I feel as though a weight has been lifted.  No longer do I care to associate with...well...anyone.  I enjoy the solitude each week day brings.  The more I stay home alone the more I love it.  I see people now for who they really are and in most cases (at least the ones I seem to always encounter) they are bad people.  Selfish, self-centered, god fearing, intolerant hate mongers living for the afterlife with no concern for today.  I know, I know I sound so nasty don't I?  I'm just calling it like I see it.  Honesty has never been a problem for me.  But in the end I am free of the negativity and I am actually finding my own private happiness at the end of a long dark tunnel which I have been walking through for a long, long time.  So in the end it's all good!

On to my next piece of bullshit...or what I like to call my new installment of WHAT THE FUCK?? I will try (shouldn't be too difficult) to include a WTF? moment in each and every new post.  Hopefully you will see things my way, since I will be skewing the story in that direction anyway.  But if not I can take the criticism.  My dear husband just went to war with his mother over her summer vacation plans to visit lovely Tampa, Florida.  The decision was made earlier this year that she would not be invited to stay here.  Why, why would I do that you ask?  Well let me tell you.  It all started in February when his mother, Janet, forgot her granddaughter's 4th birthday.  My sister-in-law called to tell me what happened and I could not believe my ears.  The story goes that Janet got home late the night of Brooklyn's birthday.  My sister-in-laws family lives with Janet right now where they are trying to get on their feet financially.  When Janet came in the house Brooklyn, being four, asked her grandmother if she had any presents for her.  Not remembering that it was her birthday she said no, not tonight and walked away.  With this news Brooklyn began to cry.  Realizing that she didn't remember her birthday my sister-in-law tried to comfort her daughter by making excuses for grandma.  At some point Brooklyn told Janet that it was her birthday which then led Janet to scrape together a card and a present for her.  Moving on to later in February.  David ran a marathon at the end of the month.  It was his biggest personal accomplishment since graduating college.  He trained hard for this and after losing all the weight this was a huge goal for him...really for anyone.  After the race that day he received all sorts of calls, emails, Facebook messages, and texts congratulating him on his accomplishment.  Around 7 that night he told me out of the blue that the only person he hadn't heard from was his mother.  This angered me immediately and I said as much but David stuck up for her saying that is was still early in California and that she usually calls late anyway.  Now knowing my husband as well as I do, him admitting something like that about his mother not calling was a big deal.  He isn't much of a communicator regarding his feelings although he has come a long way since we got married.  The fact that he mentioned it at all to me was enough for me to realize how hurt he was.  Who wouldn't be?  There is no one else in the world who should be your biggest fan than your mother.  How many times do you hear sports people or movie stars thanking their mothers after doing something really great?  I know for myself I would have to be in a comma to miss something as big as this in my both my daughters lives.  But I will not compare myself to his mother because I am light years away from her in that department.  Anyway, I conceded that night to wait until morning to react giving her the benefit of the doubt.  When I awoke the next day I asked if she had called or written and was told no.  After David went to work I sat down to write her an email letting her know how hurt David was and that she was the only person in David's life that had missed this special day.  I also specifically asked her not to write back.  I let her know that I wasn't looking for her to apologize or her excuses.  I texted David one last time before I hit the sent key to make sure she hadn't called that morning realizing her mistake.  I was told that she had called but made no mention of his race at all.  So I hit the send key feeling like I did the right thing by being honest about how I felt about what she did.  It is always important not to let things fester.  If you have a problem let the person know about it.  What did I get from Janet three days later?  An email filled with apologies and excuses as to why she forgot, all centered around her being busy.  Too busy to be a mother?  Nothing, as far as I am concerned is more important than that.  Her first line was: I know you asked me not to write but...  Which actually translates into I know you asked not to write but I don't care how you feel or respect you at all so I am going to write anyway to make myself feel better.  That was my breaking point.  At that moment I decided that I did not want to spend one second with this selfish, self-centerend, disrespectful, uncaring person this summer and since I didn't have a job and David wasn't going to take time off to see her the line in the sand had been drawn.  She of course had no idea.  She went about her business thinking that everything was ok.  Since she had apologized from her standpoint it was over.  She neglected (as usual) to think about anyone else that was involved in the situation, didn't take a second to realize that there was more than just her involved in the issue.  I said nothing to her knowing my moment would come.  Skip ahead to April 30th my graduation day.  I had told Janet that I was graduating in April the last time she was in town in January.  David had mentioned it a few times as well.  The day bled into the evening and a call was made to David by her.  She must have asked how his day was and not thinking he told her about my graduation earlier.  She had no idea.  After they got off the phone a called was placed to me by her but I didn't answer.  The next day flowers arrived which was a nice thought but very unnecessary.  I was very gracious about the flowers and called to thank her timing up my call knowing she wouldn't answer.  I had nothing to say to her.  She has made numerous calls since knowing deep down that something was wrong but I never answer.  I knew that she was only calling to try and make plans for the summer by putting me on the spot.  Besides it is David's responsibility to tell her that since he's not taking off from work she can't come.  Well my day finally arrived yesterday.  She called and asked David if she could come to visit 4th of July weekend.  No regard that we might have plans already but that isn't the point.  I don't know all the details but I know she turned on the tears and made comments like Are you saying I'm not welcome in your home, and Don't you have a say in all this? to which he answered yes.  She was mad.  That is actually and understatement.  She immediately jumped to thinking (correctly) that I was mad.  She said she has been nothing but nice with the flowers for my graduation and then said is it because I didn't send her a birthday gift?  What a shitty thing to say.  That is what she thinks of me.  There are many reasons why I don't want her coming this summer.  Oh and side point...what kind of person gets mad when someone tells them that a particular time isn't good for a visit.  Is that my right as homeowner to decide who can visit and at what time?  Opening your home to a guest for a week is a big deal especially if that someone is actually coming to see another someone who doesn't want to take the time off work.  I should not have to entertain David's mother for a week while he goes off to work.  I have done it before with disastrous results.  Back in April of 2006 right before we moved in to the house Janet came (at the worst possible time) to visit.  David had just started his new job so I was stuck with her.  Annabelle had just turned two and was a handful.  She dragged me to Universal Studios so she could have lunch with an old friend.  She did it under the false pretense that I would have a great time with the kids.  I knew differently but went with her because she needed my van and I wasn't necessarily wise to her ways yet although I had my suspicions.  So reluctantly I went with her.  We got there and the first thing on her agenda was lunch with her friend.  She walked so fast to the entrance she forgot to help with the the two kids.  I was stuck trying to hold Chloe's hand and wheel the stroller that held Annabelle.  Did I mention that it was like 95 degrees outside?  She met her friend and told me she'd meet me in a few hours.  What?  I wasn't invited to lunch?  What the fuck was I supposed to do with a two year old and a seven year old in an amusement park alone?  I couldn't go on any rides which upset Chloe and Annabelle who always runs a little hot was cranky from the heat.  I ended up splitting my time between trying to eat a shitty fast food lunch - as we had put every penny into the buying of the house and David hadn't received a paycheck yet from his job - walking around trying to keep Annabelle cool and sitting on a bench trying to explain to Chloe why I couldn't go on any rides with her.  All the while Janet is inside a fancy restaurant rubbing elbows with some asshole.  Don't even wonder about the level of anger that I was at.  I thought I couldn't get any more upset when, as we were leaving, while I held and walked with a now hysterical Annabelle pushing her stroller with one hand to the exit, Janet decides she is going to go shopping to get "Poor David" a shirt because "he has to work today instead of enjoying a nice day at the park".  Are you fucking kidding me?  I am carrying a crying two year old, her granddaughter, while trying to push a stroller with one hand (not an easy thing to do, try it some time) and she wants to get a shirt for David who is the lucky bastard who got to go to work that day while I suffered inside a theme park with a baby and a 7 year old waiting for her fat ass to eat lunch with a man that is married and has no interest in her sorry single life.  Jump to last year on one of her summer visits.  We pick her up from the airport and the whole way home she talks about how she never gets to talk to me on the phone and really wants to spend time with me.  She invites me to lunch because she can't stand another minute of us not spending time together.  I have no interest but if she really wants to hang out with me, I'll go.  The next morning I get up and get dressed for our outing only to come out to see her eating breakfast.  Dumbfounded I ask her about our plans that she demanded we make just a few short hours ago to which I get "David made breakfast, forget lunch"  I think that was the exact point where I decided that our "relationship" was done.  I was not going to make anymore effort with her.  Her way of treating people is the very antithesis of mine.  She only cares for herself and what she wants.  If she doesn't get her way she manipulates by crying or making someone feel guilty.  One time in the recent past she was in Orlando for a convention and wanted to see the kids.  We dropped them off to her and spent the evening in Orlando.  For some reason she called my parents and invited them over.  Let me say here that she has treated my mother with the same disrespect that she has treated me and has even invited her to lunch only to cancel the plans last minute because she was watching a movie, even though my mother was already on her way over.  For anyone who knows my mother that kind of shit only happens once in any kind of relationship she has with people.  Why Janet invited them over was clearly a gesture made with the thought process that my mother would say no so then she could try to look like the better person when she told me in front of David how she invited them but they said no.  My mother, sharp as a tack, realized her bluff and called her out accepting her invitation and surprising David and I the next day when we went to pick them up.  Long story short she invited everyone to lunch and decided that she wanted Rainforest Cafe at Disney.  This is a pretty pricy place to eat and can be very crowded at times. Knowing that she had to be at the airport I said as much about the expense and timing but was argued with until I agreed.  She would not let it go and figured correctly that I would give up.  We all went to eat.  My parents split a soup and salad for about $15 dollars while I sucked down a very expensive cocktail and opted for the souvenir glass to boot.  That was my way of getting back at her.  When the check came she leans over and tells my dad that they should split the bill and treat the kids, meaning David, Chloe, Annabelle, and I.  What she didn't count on, for reasons I still don't get, was my mothers honest ways of telling it like it is.  My mothers response was:  Uh...that's not how we do things Janet.  We all pay our own way especially since I split a $15 dollar meal with my husband.  How much more rude can you get.  Demanding and expensive restaurant and then at the last minute asking someone else to help pay after inviting them to go in the first place.  I'm not sure what Miss Manners would say, but in my book that is classless.  She is upset now about this new development with her vacation being ruined. I have to ask myself though why she even cares.  Every time she comes to visit the kids she spends most of the time on the phone and computer planning her next trip.  She goes through the motions of acting like a grandmother so she can tell everyone that she visited her granddaughters in Florida to somehow prove that she is a good grandmother to herself.  She isn't fooling me.

In the end all I have is gut to go on when making decisions.  I know how I treat people and I demand that I be treated equally.  I know what the golden rule is and I follow it.  I have been disrespected, manipulated, and just treated poorly by my mother-in-law.  I have been taught to stand up for myself when people treat me this way.  Why should Janet get away with treating me this way?  She shouldn't and she isn't going to.  This summer is my summer to spend it the way I want.  I choose to surround myself with things that make me happy.  This does not include Janet.  I will not allow her to walk all over me. Hopefully she will spend her time this summer soul searching and come out the other side a better person for it but that is unlikely.  She will probably plan another trip to fill the emptiness that is her life which is through no fault but her own.

Why I Don't Trust Pastors

I've decided that if I only write about running this is going to get boring.  I'm not really training for anything right now so there is really no need to keep a journal but I like my blog so I thought I would keep it going with other things going on in my life.  I did run this week.  I took two weeks off for reasons I am still not sure of.  I had my graduation at the end of April and knew I would be missing that weekend but then time just got ahead of me.  It seems to be going by very fast these days.  Anyway I got back out on Wednesday and then again on Thursday.  It was rough.  The weather has changed a bit.  It felt more humid out and it hurt my lungs.  I am sure it had something to do with the two week break as well.  But I went back out and kept at it and by my Saturday morning run I felt back to normal.  I am hoping that I won't take another break again.  I think about how much further I would be if I would just keep it together.  I started all this in February.  I could be doing more by now.  I won't dwell on that though.

So this is where I want to change things a bit.  I have no more interesting things to talk about where I focus on running but I have plenty to say right now about something really crazy that happened to me yesterday. Ok Chloe is on a softball team and the season is almost over.  I have been the team mom and the dugout mom for her team all season.  I was asked by her coach, Pat when he first called to tell me that he had drafted Chloe for his team.  I immediately said yes.  I helped him by doing things like a snack schedule and collected money for the pictures.  I also helped the girls with the batting order in the dugout durning the games.  We had a nice relationship there in the beginning.  Let me say here that I was aware from the beginning that he is a pastor at a local YMCA church.  Yes, there is a church inside our YMCA.  On Tuesday night I received an email from him asking if I could pick up the end of the season trophies for the girls on Friday night.  He also mentioned that he was thinking about an end of the season party.  He didn't know when or where but he wanted to put it out there and maybe he and I could talk to some of the other parents at the next game which was Thursday.  I replied right away saying that I would be at the fields Friday for Annabelle's game and that I would pick up the trophies.  I also offered our house for the party if no one else had another suggestion.  I didn't hear back from him before the game on Thursday night.  Oh I forgot to mention that the email I sent him in reply to his request about the trophies had a new just implemented signature line with the quote by Voltaire: Those who believe in absurdities will continue to commit atrocities.  I added it right before his email came in and when I sent my email I realized it was there but decided not to erase it because I didn't want to.  I thought about the fact that I have to look at his signature that he is the lead pastor at some church so why should I have to erase something I believe in?  I guess deep down I didn't think someone would think anything about it.  So now we go to the game on Thursday night.  He never spoke to me the entire game.  He never said hello.  He never said thank you when I ran to get ice for an injured player.  In fact, he had already gotten a bag of ice from someone else and asked for another bag when he noticed the bag had a tear.  I offered to go get it since no one else did and when I got back after running there and back he had found an empty grocery bag to put the ice in and was already out in the field starting the new inning.  It was pretty uncomfortable handing him the lineup clip board and him not acknowledging that I was even there.  I remembered then that he didn't reply to my email either.  I thought that was strange seeing that I offered to open my home to the team and have the party at my house.  I figured that at least deserved some type of response even if it was one of decline.  It is no secret to me or anyone who really knows me that I am an emotional person.  I feel things deeply and often get hurt by people.  I am open and honest and accept people way too quickly.  I wear my heart on my sleeve and believe in people and their intentions toward me as being good.  I try not to judge too quickly and give people the benefit of the doubt even when I know they don't deserve it.  As much as I hate to admit, I need people.  When I get hurt I always that I wish I was an island or a rock like that Simon and Garfunkel song.  But it never lasts long.  The next person enters my life and it starts all over again.  Ok so I went to get the trophies only to be told that they had already been picked up.  Nice, real nice.  Up to this point I still hadn't gotten a response to the email earlier in the week and now he didn't bother to tell me that he had already picked them up.  That isn't very nice at all.  I sent him an email acting like I didn't know where the trophies were and didn't hear back from him until after the game saying sorry he should have told me.  After that I decided that David would take over my duties as dugout mom for the rest of the season.  David encountered no issues with him at all which was fine with me.  At that point I just wanted the season to be over so I never had to look at that fucker ever again.  The last incident happened at the end of the season party.  I'll keep it short and just say that he thanked all the girls and the parents but never mentioned any of the things I did to help the team.  It was a slap in the face after all the time I spent helping him out.  I tried to look at it from the perspective that I got to spend time with Chloe.  I do walk away from this experience with this bit of knowledge: if, and that is a big if, there is a heaven and that mother fucker is going, I know for sure that I'd rather spend eternity in hell.  As sure as I sit here I know that people like him, who judge other on their belief in his god are far worse than any non-believer existing in this world.  I had the opportunity to judge him knowing that he was a pastor before we met.  Did that stop me from being the team mom?  Did that make me treat him any different?  Did that make me hate him for what he believes?  The answer to all three questions is no.  I put my head on the pillow at night content in the fact that whether or not I believe in the man in the sky I treat people I meet with respect and dignity never judging based on what gets them through the day.  So when religious people ask me why I don't believe in god my answer is: if the god they believe in, the god from the bible, if he really does exist in all his hatred, if that god is the one I am supposed to worship I'd rather not bother. I am a better person than that.