Running a 5k the whole way through...done!!

I did it!  I ran my first 5k.  When I say ran I mean ran...the whole 3.2 miles.  This is a big accomplishment for me.  I honestly wasn't sure if I could do it.  I mean I knew I could do it, but I wasn't sure if I could convince my own head that I could do it.  Funny, I almost didn't participate in the race at all yesterday.  When we got to the race it was about forty-five minutes until race time.  I knew it was going to be a small race but there were hardly any people there.  I freaked out.  What set me off was a comment that David made in the car on the way there and it almost caused me to not bother running.  I asked him what his plan was for the race.  Was he going to try and set a PR or just relax a bit.  His answer was hurtful to me and I reacted in a very negative way.  He said he wasn't sure what he was going to do and then I offered, in a joking way, that he could always just run with me.  I knew that he didn't want to do that so my offer was kind of a joke like if you have nothing better to do you can have fun in the back of the race with me.  His response to that was "Well I want to run".  It was very insulting not just what he said but the way he said it.  It wasn't a calm "I want to run".  It was like a condescending "I want to run" I took it as he thought I wasn't going to run or at least run fast enough for him.  Anyway, it set me off and it didn't help matters when we got to the race and there were only 20 people there.  I got worried that I would be dead last and said that I wasn't going to run.  I paid already but I justified it by saying that the money spent was for the T-shirt that I would be getting.  After parking the car and looking around we got out and walked over to the registration table and I got a good look at the other runners.  That didn't make me feel any better.  I was still thinking that I didn't want to make a fool out of myself by running a twelve minute mile while everyone else would be coming in well in front of that.  I went back to the car and sat down and thought about my options.  I was there and ready to run but the horrible idea that I would be so far behind everyone was awful.  David kept saying that the runners don't care and that they are very supportive even if it takes forty minutes to run the 5k.  Ugh, I didn't care what they thought.  It was about what I would be thinking and how shitty it would feel being so far behind the pack.  More people were arriving and with that brought a more diverse group.  There were some older people with knee braces and even a few larger women that looked like it might be their first race.  I was starting to feel a little bit better about the situation and finally decided that I just didn't give a crap anymore what those people thought of me.  Sometimes the speed of my changing mind startles me.  I was mad.  That gave me an energy and an attitude that was just what I needed.  The more David offered to run with me, albeit feeling guilty, the more angry I felt.  Please don't bother to stoop down to my measly twelve minute mile and embarrass yourself running with such a loser.  Once the race started I waved him off to go run his race while I ran mine.  I started off way too fast and opted to slow down even though people started passing me.  I knew by mile two I would be the one passing them.  I knew I could do it because I have been running the distance all week.  I just focused on that fact and ran my own race not thinking about being last but thinking about running the whole thing and it worked.  It worked so well that I did end up passing some people at the end and it felt pretty damn good.  Once the race was over I realized that I went from too fast to too slow and could have gone faster but I didn't want to blow all my energy in the first mile.  I also realized that I need a watch with a pacer thing in it so I can do better.  It didn't matter my time (a little over 38 minutes) all that mattered was that I ran it.  That was my goal and I accomplished it.  I know I could have done it faster.  I just didn't have the right tools to get me there.  I will be buying a good watch for future races.  That wasn't the best part though.  After the race David wanted to wait around to see if he won a trophy.  He had come in in eleventh place.  We waited for about twenty minutes or so for them to start giving them out.  They were age and sex specific.  They called out my age group and wouldn't you know it but I won second place.  Me...the one who wanted to quit won a trophy.  I never would have guessed that I could go from where I was just an hour before to standing there with a trophy.  David won first place in his division.  Granted my time wasn't going to set any records or win me anything in a bigger race, it matters not.  I showed up ready to race.  I can't control who else runs.  I will take my trophy as a sign that I am supposed to be running.  I hope to look back on this day and this second place trophy as the first of many great accomplishments in my running career!