I've decided that if I only write about running this is going to get boring. I'm not really training for anything right now so there is really no need to keep a journal but I like my blog so I thought I would keep it going with other things going on in my life. I did run this week. I took two weeks off for reasons I am still not sure of. I had my graduation at the end of April and knew I would be missing that weekend but then time just got ahead of me. It seems to be going by very fast these days. Anyway I got back out on Wednesday and then again on Thursday. It was rough. The weather has changed a bit. It felt more humid out and it hurt my lungs. I am sure it had something to do with the two week break as well. But I went back out and kept at it and by my Saturday morning run I felt back to normal. I am hoping that I won't take another break again. I think about how much further I would be if I would just keep it together. I started all this in February. I could be doing more by now. I won't dwell on that though.
So this is where I want to change things a bit. I have no more interesting things to talk about where I focus on running but I have plenty to say right now about something really crazy that happened to me yesterday. Ok Chloe is on a softball team and the season is almost over. I have been the team mom and the dugout mom for her team all season. I was asked by her coach, Pat when he first called to tell me that he had drafted Chloe for his team. I immediately said yes. I helped him by doing things like a snack schedule and collected money for the pictures. I also helped the girls with the batting order in the dugout durning the games. We had a nice relationship there in the beginning. Let me say here that I was aware from the beginning that he is a pastor at a local YMCA church. Yes, there is a church inside our YMCA. On Tuesday night I received an email from him asking if I could pick up the end of the season trophies for the girls on Friday night. He also mentioned that he was thinking about an end of the season party. He didn't know when or where but he wanted to put it out there and maybe he and I could talk to some of the other parents at the next game which was Thursday. I replied right away saying that I would be at the fields Friday for Annabelle's game and that I would pick up the trophies. I also offered our house for the party if no one else had another suggestion. I didn't hear back from him before the game on Thursday night. Oh I forgot to mention that the email I sent him in reply to his request about the trophies had a new just implemented signature line with the quote by Voltaire: Those who believe in absurdities will continue to commit atrocities. I added it right before his email came in and when I sent my email I realized it was there but decided not to erase it because I didn't want to. I thought about the fact that I have to look at his signature that he is the lead pastor at some church so why should I have to erase something I believe in? I guess deep down I didn't think someone would think anything about it. So now we go to the game on Thursday night. He never spoke to me the entire game. He never said hello. He never said thank you when I ran to get ice for an injured player. In fact, he had already gotten a bag of ice from someone else and asked for another bag when he noticed the bag had a tear. I offered to go get it since no one else did and when I got back after running there and back he had found an empty grocery bag to put the ice in and was already out in the field starting the new inning. It was pretty uncomfortable handing him the lineup clip board and him not acknowledging that I was even there. I remembered then that he didn't reply to my email either. I thought that was strange seeing that I offered to open my home to the team and have the party at my house. I figured that at least deserved some type of response even if it was one of decline. It is no secret to me or anyone who really knows me that I am an emotional person. I feel things deeply and often get hurt by people. I am open and honest and accept people way too quickly. I wear my heart on my sleeve and believe in people and their intentions toward me as being good. I try not to judge too quickly and give people the benefit of the doubt even when I know they don't deserve it. As much as I hate to admit, I need people. When I get hurt I always that I wish I was an island or a rock like that Simon and Garfunkel song. But it never lasts long. The next person enters my life and it starts all over again. Ok so I went to get the trophies only to be told that they had already been picked up. Nice, real nice. Up to this point I still hadn't gotten a response to the email earlier in the week and now he didn't bother to tell me that he had already picked them up. That isn't very nice at all. I sent him an email acting like I didn't know where the trophies were and didn't hear back from him until after the game saying sorry he should have told me. After that I decided that David would take over my duties as dugout mom for the rest of the season. David encountered no issues with him at all which was fine with me. At that point I just wanted the season to be over so I never had to look at that fucker ever again. The last incident happened at the end of the season party. I'll keep it short and just say that he thanked all the girls and the parents but never mentioned any of the things I did to help the team. It was a slap in the face after all the time I spent helping him out. I tried to look at it from the perspective that I got to spend time with Chloe. I do walk away from this experience with this bit of knowledge: if, and that is a big if, there is a heaven and that mother fucker is going, I know for sure that I'd rather spend eternity in hell. As sure as I sit here I know that people like him, who judge other on their belief in his god are far worse than any non-believer existing in this world. I had the opportunity to judge him knowing that he was a pastor before we met. Did that stop me from being the team mom? Did that make me treat him any different? Did that make me hate him for what he believes? The answer to all three questions is no. I put my head on the pillow at night content in the fact that whether or not I believe in the man in the sky I treat people I meet with respect and dignity never judging based on what gets them through the day. So when religious people ask me why I don't believe in god my answer is: if the god they believe in, the god from the bible, if he really does exist in all his hatred, if that god is the one I am supposed to worship I'd rather not bother. I am a better person than that.
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