First Installment of WTF?

My last post was dated today but that is just because I finished it and posted it today.  It really was written in the middle of last month - just to be clear.  I ran a 5k two weeks ago with David downtown called the Secret Service 5k.  It was fun.  I beat my old time of 39 minutes with a new PR of 37.31.  I am proud of that and hope to continue doing better.  I had David write me up a new training program which I started yesterday.  I completed my 2 mile run and have 30 minutes of cross training to do today.  I plan on swimming.  I am glad I have something new to focus on because not having school is getting to me.  I have been reading my on my new Kindle and that has been good but I am very stir crazy with no school work to do.  I am glad I signed up for a class starting next month.  I turned in my application for the College of Education at USF and hope to hear back from them soon.  I am trying not to worry that I might not get in because worry is such a stupid thing to waste your time on.  I will just pick a different major if by chance it doesn't work out.  I don't think that will happen so why focus on it?  I am trying to change my way of thinking now that I am 34 years old and after what happened with douche bag number one Coach Dan.  I am less inclined to be nice to people now when I meet them.  I am sick and tired of putting myself out there just to be hurt.  I need to toughen up a bit and not be so willing to help or trust people.  Now I know that sounds negative but for someone like me who is a genuinely nice person it is about time I start protecting myself.  My never ending search for a friend who lives close to me started in California has now made its way to Tampa.  In California I was so desperate for a friend that I got pulled into a church where the women told me more than once that my amazingly generous and good-natured husband was going to hell.  Then last summer both David and I got dragged into a lifestyle filled with bad marriages and evil manipulators so focused on getting their needs met they had no idea how to be a human being.  I think I am hanging up my desire to find any more friends.  I have more than I need even if the closest is a hour and a half away.  I have my family and school and soon a teaching career.  With my new found freedom and perspective on people in general I feel as though a weight has been lifted.  No longer do I care to associate with...well...anyone.  I enjoy the solitude each week day brings.  The more I stay home alone the more I love it.  I see people now for who they really are and in most cases (at least the ones I seem to always encounter) they are bad people.  Selfish, self-centered, god fearing, intolerant hate mongers living for the afterlife with no concern for today.  I know, I know I sound so nasty don't I?  I'm just calling it like I see it.  Honesty has never been a problem for me.  But in the end I am free of the negativity and I am actually finding my own private happiness at the end of a long dark tunnel which I have been walking through for a long, long time.  So in the end it's all good!

On to my next piece of bullshit...or what I like to call my new installment of WHAT THE FUCK?? I will try (shouldn't be too difficult) to include a WTF? moment in each and every new post.  Hopefully you will see things my way, since I will be skewing the story in that direction anyway.  But if not I can take the criticism.  My dear husband just went to war with his mother over her summer vacation plans to visit lovely Tampa, Florida.  The decision was made earlier this year that she would not be invited to stay here.  Why, why would I do that you ask?  Well let me tell you.  It all started in February when his mother, Janet, forgot her granddaughter's 4th birthday.  My sister-in-law called to tell me what happened and I could not believe my ears.  The story goes that Janet got home late the night of Brooklyn's birthday.  My sister-in-laws family lives with Janet right now where they are trying to get on their feet financially.  When Janet came in the house Brooklyn, being four, asked her grandmother if she had any presents for her.  Not remembering that it was her birthday she said no, not tonight and walked away.  With this news Brooklyn began to cry.  Realizing that she didn't remember her birthday my sister-in-law tried to comfort her daughter by making excuses for grandma.  At some point Brooklyn told Janet that it was her birthday which then led Janet to scrape together a card and a present for her.  Moving on to later in February.  David ran a marathon at the end of the month.  It was his biggest personal accomplishment since graduating college.  He trained hard for this and after losing all the weight this was a huge goal for him...really for anyone.  After the race that day he received all sorts of calls, emails, Facebook messages, and texts congratulating him on his accomplishment.  Around 7 that night he told me out of the blue that the only person he hadn't heard from was his mother.  This angered me immediately and I said as much but David stuck up for her saying that is was still early in California and that she usually calls late anyway.  Now knowing my husband as well as I do, him admitting something like that about his mother not calling was a big deal.  He isn't much of a communicator regarding his feelings although he has come a long way since we got married.  The fact that he mentioned it at all to me was enough for me to realize how hurt he was.  Who wouldn't be?  There is no one else in the world who should be your biggest fan than your mother.  How many times do you hear sports people or movie stars thanking their mothers after doing something really great?  I know for myself I would have to be in a comma to miss something as big as this in my both my daughters lives.  But I will not compare myself to his mother because I am light years away from her in that department.  Anyway, I conceded that night to wait until morning to react giving her the benefit of the doubt.  When I awoke the next day I asked if she had called or written and was told no.  After David went to work I sat down to write her an email letting her know how hurt David was and that she was the only person in David's life that had missed this special day.  I also specifically asked her not to write back.  I let her know that I wasn't looking for her to apologize or her excuses.  I texted David one last time before I hit the sent key to make sure she hadn't called that morning realizing her mistake.  I was told that she had called but made no mention of his race at all.  So I hit the send key feeling like I did the right thing by being honest about how I felt about what she did.  It is always important not to let things fester.  If you have a problem let the person know about it.  What did I get from Janet three days later?  An email filled with apologies and excuses as to why she forgot, all centered around her being busy.  Too busy to be a mother?  Nothing, as far as I am concerned is more important than that.  Her first line was: I know you asked me not to write but...  Which actually translates into I know you asked not to write but I don't care how you feel or respect you at all so I am going to write anyway to make myself feel better.  That was my breaking point.  At that moment I decided that I did not want to spend one second with this selfish, self-centerend, disrespectful, uncaring person this summer and since I didn't have a job and David wasn't going to take time off to see her the line in the sand had been drawn.  She of course had no idea.  She went about her business thinking that everything was ok.  Since she had apologized from her standpoint it was over.  She neglected (as usual) to think about anyone else that was involved in the situation, didn't take a second to realize that there was more than just her involved in the issue.  I said nothing to her knowing my moment would come.  Skip ahead to April 30th my graduation day.  I had told Janet that I was graduating in April the last time she was in town in January.  David had mentioned it a few times as well.  The day bled into the evening and a call was made to David by her.  She must have asked how his day was and not thinking he told her about my graduation earlier.  She had no idea.  After they got off the phone a called was placed to me by her but I didn't answer.  The next day flowers arrived which was a nice thought but very unnecessary.  I was very gracious about the flowers and called to thank her timing up my call knowing she wouldn't answer.  I had nothing to say to her.  She has made numerous calls since knowing deep down that something was wrong but I never answer.  I knew that she was only calling to try and make plans for the summer by putting me on the spot.  Besides it is David's responsibility to tell her that since he's not taking off from work she can't come.  Well my day finally arrived yesterday.  She called and asked David if she could come to visit 4th of July weekend.  No regard that we might have plans already but that isn't the point.  I don't know all the details but I know she turned on the tears and made comments like Are you saying I'm not welcome in your home, and Don't you have a say in all this? to which he answered yes.  She was mad.  That is actually and understatement.  She immediately jumped to thinking (correctly) that I was mad.  She said she has been nothing but nice with the flowers for my graduation and then said is it because I didn't send her a birthday gift?  What a shitty thing to say.  That is what she thinks of me.  There are many reasons why I don't want her coming this summer.  Oh and side point...what kind of person gets mad when someone tells them that a particular time isn't good for a visit.  Is that my right as homeowner to decide who can visit and at what time?  Opening your home to a guest for a week is a big deal especially if that someone is actually coming to see another someone who doesn't want to take the time off work.  I should not have to entertain David's mother for a week while he goes off to work.  I have done it before with disastrous results.  Back in April of 2006 right before we moved in to the house Janet came (at the worst possible time) to visit.  David had just started his new job so I was stuck with her.  Annabelle had just turned two and was a handful.  She dragged me to Universal Studios so she could have lunch with an old friend.  She did it under the false pretense that I would have a great time with the kids.  I knew differently but went with her because she needed my van and I wasn't necessarily wise to her ways yet although I had my suspicions.  So reluctantly I went with her.  We got there and the first thing on her agenda was lunch with her friend.  She walked so fast to the entrance she forgot to help with the the two kids.  I was stuck trying to hold Chloe's hand and wheel the stroller that held Annabelle.  Did I mention that it was like 95 degrees outside?  She met her friend and told me she'd meet me in a few hours.  What?  I wasn't invited to lunch?  What the fuck was I supposed to do with a two year old and a seven year old in an amusement park alone?  I couldn't go on any rides which upset Chloe and Annabelle who always runs a little hot was cranky from the heat.  I ended up splitting my time between trying to eat a shitty fast food lunch - as we had put every penny into the buying of the house and David hadn't received a paycheck yet from his job - walking around trying to keep Annabelle cool and sitting on a bench trying to explain to Chloe why I couldn't go on any rides with her.  All the while Janet is inside a fancy restaurant rubbing elbows with some asshole.  Don't even wonder about the level of anger that I was at.  I thought I couldn't get any more upset when, as we were leaving, while I held and walked with a now hysterical Annabelle pushing her stroller with one hand to the exit, Janet decides she is going to go shopping to get "Poor David" a shirt because "he has to work today instead of enjoying a nice day at the park".  Are you fucking kidding me?  I am carrying a crying two year old, her granddaughter, while trying to push a stroller with one hand (not an easy thing to do, try it some time) and she wants to get a shirt for David who is the lucky bastard who got to go to work that day while I suffered inside a theme park with a baby and a 7 year old waiting for her fat ass to eat lunch with a man that is married and has no interest in her sorry single life.  Jump to last year on one of her summer visits.  We pick her up from the airport and the whole way home she talks about how she never gets to talk to me on the phone and really wants to spend time with me.  She invites me to lunch because she can't stand another minute of us not spending time together.  I have no interest but if she really wants to hang out with me, I'll go.  The next morning I get up and get dressed for our outing only to come out to see her eating breakfast.  Dumbfounded I ask her about our plans that she demanded we make just a few short hours ago to which I get "David made breakfast, forget lunch"  I think that was the exact point where I decided that our "relationship" was done.  I was not going to make anymore effort with her.  Her way of treating people is the very antithesis of mine.  She only cares for herself and what she wants.  If she doesn't get her way she manipulates by crying or making someone feel guilty.  One time in the recent past she was in Orlando for a convention and wanted to see the kids.  We dropped them off to her and spent the evening in Orlando.  For some reason she called my parents and invited them over.  Let me say here that she has treated my mother with the same disrespect that she has treated me and has even invited her to lunch only to cancel the plans last minute because she was watching a movie, even though my mother was already on her way over.  For anyone who knows my mother that kind of shit only happens once in any kind of relationship she has with people.  Why Janet invited them over was clearly a gesture made with the thought process that my mother would say no so then she could try to look like the better person when she told me in front of David how she invited them but they said no.  My mother, sharp as a tack, realized her bluff and called her out accepting her invitation and surprising David and I the next day when we went to pick them up.  Long story short she invited everyone to lunch and decided that she wanted Rainforest Cafe at Disney.  This is a pretty pricy place to eat and can be very crowded at times. Knowing that she had to be at the airport I said as much about the expense and timing but was argued with until I agreed.  She would not let it go and figured correctly that I would give up.  We all went to eat.  My parents split a soup and salad for about $15 dollars while I sucked down a very expensive cocktail and opted for the souvenir glass to boot.  That was my way of getting back at her.  When the check came she leans over and tells my dad that they should split the bill and treat the kids, meaning David, Chloe, Annabelle, and I.  What she didn't count on, for reasons I still don't get, was my mothers honest ways of telling it like it is.  My mothers response was:  Uh...that's not how we do things Janet.  We all pay our own way especially since I split a $15 dollar meal with my husband.  How much more rude can you get.  Demanding and expensive restaurant and then at the last minute asking someone else to help pay after inviting them to go in the first place.  I'm not sure what Miss Manners would say, but in my book that is classless.  She is upset now about this new development with her vacation being ruined. I have to ask myself though why she even cares.  Every time she comes to visit the kids she spends most of the time on the phone and computer planning her next trip.  She goes through the motions of acting like a grandmother so she can tell everyone that she visited her granddaughters in Florida to somehow prove that she is a good grandmother to herself.  She isn't fooling me.

In the end all I have is gut to go on when making decisions.  I know how I treat people and I demand that I be treated equally.  I know what the golden rule is and I follow it.  I have been disrespected, manipulated, and just treated poorly by my mother-in-law.  I have been taught to stand up for myself when people treat me this way.  Why should Janet get away with treating me this way?  She shouldn't and she isn't going to.  This summer is my summer to spend it the way I want.  I choose to surround myself with things that make me happy.  This does not include Janet.  I will not allow her to walk all over me. Hopefully she will spend her time this summer soul searching and come out the other side a better person for it but that is unlikely.  She will probably plan another trip to fill the emptiness that is her life which is through no fault but her own.